Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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