I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
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