So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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