I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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