He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize