I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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