i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
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We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
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The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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