I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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