he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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