i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize