I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
they're like a gay fantastic four
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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