How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just high enough for therapy.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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