if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
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I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
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I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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