im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
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we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize