I'm drive I can fine osifer
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
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I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
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He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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