im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
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I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
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We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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