all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's just like the Real World with babies
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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