the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize