Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
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She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
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I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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