I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
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We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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