If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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