If that was your dad, he is hot
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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