awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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