There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
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You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
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She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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