Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
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I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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