I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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