i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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