If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize