I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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