i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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