tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
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We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
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