Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize