Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
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Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
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I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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