Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
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you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
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Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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