I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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