i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize