someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize