I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
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I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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