This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
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it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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