The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
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