This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
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My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
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My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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