Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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