I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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