Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
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I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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