I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize