i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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