what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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