I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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