So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
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This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
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God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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