You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize